Sunday, January 8, 2017

Cochrane Must Answer

Friday : 'Cochrane wants fish and chips'

There were incredible scenes in Largs this morning as the Telegraph's Alan Cochrane visited the Blue Lagoon.  "Yes, I would like fish and chips", said the irascible newsman.  "But only if there's ketchup!" he added, with a gleam in his eye.

Saturday : 'Shock as Cochrane backs off from fish and chips request'

The seaside town of Largs was reeling in disbelief this morning as TV's Alan Cochrane performed a shock U-turn on his request for fish and chips.  Staff in the Blue Lagoon were left stunned as Cochrane made clear he would REJECT the meal unless ketchup was provided.  "Yes, I would like fish and chips, but only if there's ketchup", thundered the rogueish newsman.

Sunday : 'Demands for Cochrane to end confusion as he boasts that he is not bluffing about wanting fish and chips'

There were doubts this morning over the fate of Alan Cochrane's stomach, as the columnist performed his second U-turn in as many days on the question of whether he wants to have some fish and chips.  Staff at the Blue Lagoon in Largs were left bemused as Cochrane announced that he DOES want the meal after all.  "Yes, I would like fish and chips (but only if there's ketchup)", barked the crotchety newsman.

The Telegraph's Alan Cochrane was quick to blast Cochrane over his indecision.  "This is farcical.  On Friday we were told Alan wanted fish and chips but only if there was ketchup.  On Saturday that changed to him wanting fish and chips but only if there was ketchup.  And now on Sunday he's suddenly decided that he wants fish and chips but only if there's ketchup!  Which is it?  Will the real Alan Cochrane please stand up?"

53 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. What I like about your posts is tgeir subtlety ... and their relevance.

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  3. Glasgow Working Class 2January 8, 2017 at 11:00 PM

    Will Knickerless ban fish and chips if we Brexit. Had to laugh at her today threatening the British State. She is clearly at the end with her shit rhetoric. Bring on the referendum now smelly drawers.

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    1. The world has moved on with brexit and Trump having eclipsed all other political events. The SNP are still in 2014 mode however and don't realise they have become an irrelevance. Whatever happens in the next few years Scotland will certainly not be centre stage. And if they're thick enough to rerun the referendum, they'll just get gubbed and that'll be the end of it.

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    2. "The undecideds and the bottlers will put it in the back of the net for 'remain'. I'm sure Cameron also has a few tricks up his sleeve to deploy in the dying days of the campaign."

      Aldo

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    3. My record of predicting indyrefs is 100% however ;0)

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    4. Which almost, but not quite, makes up for the fact that every other prediction you've made in your life has been completely wrong.

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    5. Yet you worship Alex Salmond - a man who ran under the slogan "free by '93", lolol.

      I suppose he didn't specify the century.

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  4. What is this pish? Your blog has got one less follower.
    Cheerio.

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    1. Wait! No! Come back! Please!

      Oh, he's gone.

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    2. This blog really does need to get a grip - this is the 4th inane rant I've read in as many weeks, ooft...

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    3. For clarity, are you the anonymous who stormed off in the comment above, the anonymous who stormed off in the comment below, or a third entirely different anonymous who hasn't stormed off yet but may be about to? Or are all three of you the same storming off anonymous? I feel we must be told.

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    4. Some people clearly don't grasp satire. Of perhaps they do, but simply wish to rubbish a good point. I'm going to go with the latter.

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    5. For clarity, I'm Anon 11.42 PM and have only made the one comment, this being my second, and last - but I have to agree with Anon 1 and 2. I do usually enjoy your posts, but at times, I really do think you must be on something.

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    6. Oh I get get satire. Satire is my middle name. I just don't get pish. (Anonymous 1)

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    7. This is a veritable Anon-fest such as we have never seen before. For the two (or is it three?) Anons who clearly don't understand a word of the post, I'll try to explain it to you once I've had a stiff drink (even though I'm tee-total).

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  5. James, the problem with saying you aren't bluffing again and again and again is that it gives the distinct impression that, in actual fact, you are bluffing.

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    1. She didn't say it again and again, that's you writing in a comment. Quite different situations.

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    2. Much like if you say no more referendums again and again and again gives the distinct impression that,in actual fact,you are really really really afraid of a referendum

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  6. I see you are moderating out those who would parody that idiot GWC2, yet you allow him to continue his grotesque fixation with Nat si's and Nicola Sturgeon's underwear.

    You have just lost another reader.

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    1. Hmmm. It is, of course, impossible to verify whether you are a different anonymous from the anonymous who has only just stormed off. As it happens, I haven't actually deleted any comments recently, so I don't even know what you're talking about.

      But fare thee well! It'll be tough to get by without you, but life goes on!

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    2. Glasgow Working Class 2January 8, 2017 at 11:57 PM

      I just like to cross dress.

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    3. GWC, are you a lib dem by any chance? Lol

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    4. Glasgow Working Class 2January 9, 2017 at 1:25 AM

      Aldo wash yer mooth oot wie carbolic soap.

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    5. Ooh. Think Aldo hit a sore spot there. Can't compare the operative with its masters' discarded human shields...

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  7. I think Cochrane is a weirdo.

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  8. A very good point well, and amusingly, made.

    Sturgeon has not varied her message since the Brexit vote but the Tories and their allies in the media never tire of spinning it in ever more tortuous ways to take the focus away from the shambles at Westminster.

    Luckily, the Scottish electorate are an intelligent lot by-and-large and won't be fooled by it.

    "Me Bungo Pony"

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    1. Glasgow Working Class 2January 9, 2017 at 12:00 AM

      Hung like a dunkey then.

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    2. I couldn't possibly comment.

      "Me Bungo Pony"

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    3. Support for yes and for the SNP are gradually eroding. It would seem Strugglin's childish stamping of feet is getting on peoples' tits - as well as the SNP's general incompetence.

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    4. The most recent poll had Yes support at 45.5% - that's 0.8% higher than in September 2014. Sorry to disappoint you, old chap.

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    5. But the vast majority of don't knows opt for the status quo so its actually an increase for no.

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    6. Hmmm. That sounds eerily like your theory about why Remain was guaranteed to win.

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    7. Brexit wasn't really scary though so the status quo thing didn't apply as much. Scottish independence is on a completely different level of risk to brexit.

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    8. Aldodamus has spoken.

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    9. "Brexit wasn't really scary, though"

      Earth to Aldo, Earth to Aldo, Earth calling Aldo, come in Aldo...

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    10. What's scary about brexit? You still get to live in the world's 6th largest economy, the oldest democracy, a permanent member of the UN security council, with the 3rd or 4th most powerful military in the world + nukes. We're safe as houses man.

      Aldo

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    11. eh Aldo, Newsflash
      UK economy to be sinking down the charts post Brexit. Predicted for 8th and falling like a stone! Especially if Scotland extricates itself from it!

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    12. Nonsense. We're probably going to negotiate a big trade deal with the United States plus other countries. Trade with Europe will continue, either freely or cheaply. Any losses can easily be offset by the gains of being able to strike our own trade deals with the rest of the world. The European Union will continue to stumble from crisis to crisis and either collapse or undergo radical reform. Scotland is an irrelevance.

      Aldo

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    13. Do stop going on about it then.

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    14. I don't 'go on' about brexit. Left wingers are obsessed with it, Scottish Nationalists are completely loopy over it. As you probably know, I'm not in either camp. If I talk at all about it, it's usually in response to someone else who has raised the subject.

      Aldo

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  9. James good post as usual but not so sure it works when you start bickering with the trolls.

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  10. This article is a tissue of lies. Cockers only puts broon sauce on his chips. Typical West coast biased reporting.

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  11. Cochrane can have whatever he likes with his chips so long as he doesn't insist that everyone else must have the same.

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  12. Glasgow Working Class 2January 9, 2017 at 11:50 AM

    I like chippy gold star ketchup.

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    1. Cereal for you.

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    2. Glasgow Working Class 2January 9, 2017 at 1:57 PM

      Deep fried shredded sporran, brown sauce and a pickled onion for you fash bhoy.

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  13. fish & chips
    fish supper
    fish & chips
    fish supper

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  14. Hey James I'm new here and have to say this anon loves your site! Felt i had to comment to counter the multi personality anonymous drone who has butted in. Kenny

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